On the Verge

You know how it feels when you are on the verge. On the verge of greatness, on the verge of losing your mind, breaking down and crying, or on the verge of a great discovery. That is where I am, on the verge. I sort of wish I knew what was on the other side or over the edge. I can see that where I am heading has a lot of blind spots, curves, dips and twists. I see myself not only crashing and burning but, being stuck in neutral or just spining my wheels and not getting anywhere.

The thoughts that I have had over the last week have become decisions I have made and now, things are coming together. I submitted my application to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and have been given 8 performance slots, I have given this information to my boss at Harvey Nichols and he is going to attempt to schedule my work around my performances. I have enquired about the costs of going to Bolton and Carlisle Castles for August 4-7 and it's not as expensive as I thought, in fact it might be free. Which brings me to what other new news I have to share.

Just the other day, which was Friday, I got off of work early. That was an unusual day because the reality that I am in Edinburgh, Scotland kept coming into my mind so strongly that I was elated and on the verge of happy tears all day. I decided to celebrate my being abroad with a lovely fish dinner at of all places Fisher's on Thistle. They were very accommodating to my needs for allergen free foods and the meal was delicious. I had Carrot and Coriander Soup followed by Greek Sea Bass with Fennel Bulb, Steamed Zucchini, Green Beans, Carrots, and Peas. I also found Quinoa Tabouleh on the menu and had it as a side dish. After the meal I decided that as it was only 8pm on a Friday night and still quite light out I would take a long walk home. I turned down the street and not two doors down I passed two late 30's aged ladies discussing whether or not to have dinner at Tex Mex II, a local Mexican restaurant. As I had heard great things about the restaurant and being a hospitalitarian, I offered my approval of the establishment. The ladies at once noticed my American accent and chatted me up about where I was from. Mentioning Portland, Oregon, one of the ladies named Shirley stated that would soon be traveling to Portland herself. Her friend Alison remarked what a small world we live in and graciously invited me to join them both for dinner. I mentioned I had already eaten. Alison remarked that there would be a 45-minute wait for the dinner table to come available anyway, and she invited me to have a drink instead. So off we went me, Shirley, and Alison. By now I had found out that Alison was a mother off for her first day without her baby. Her daughter's name is Sarah. Now I was begining to agree with Alison that indeed it is a very small world as my moms name is Shirley and my sister-in-laws name is Sarah. So off we went to the Jekyll and Hyde bar for a drink. We all got the drink of Lust and happily sat down at the Gothic-Era inspired banquette to talk about traveling, family, children - I spoke of Jasmine my cat whom I raised since she was two days old and I now feel that she is my daughter even if she is four-legged and furry. We also talked about what Shirley should do with her time in Portland. I made certain to tell her that she had to meet up with my family and especially my brother Ian to take a Slow Kwon Do class from him. Well we had a great time for our 45 minutes and went to part ways when I was invited to join the girls at dinner. I had nowhere else pressing to be so I accepted. We had margarita's, Enchilada Suisa, beans and rice. While at Tex Mex we talked about what brought me to Edinburgh. I told them about Bolton Castle and Baroness Scrope. Shirley seemed quite taken with my ideas for creating a living history and hospitality venue. She said that she thinks it will be very popular in the UK. She was so taken that she offered to drive me to Bolton Castle. I am blown away by the enthusiasm, encouragement, and support that I have received here in Scotland. We all had such a good time getting to know each other that we exchanged phone numbers and emails. I also gave them my blog address. They could be reading these words themselves once I post this blog. Hello Alison and Shirley!

We have plans to go out on Wednesday night to see the movie Mama Mia!

So my mom and Ian have managed to find a gather all my costume pieces for Baroness Scrope including the amazing tall hat. My mom has been diligently digging through the mess that is my bedroom to find my needed zebra dress, cosmetics, etc that I requested earlier. She has to wade through a mess because I had originally packed too many things and at the last minute I unpacked it all and just set it around my room in piles. She has also taken the rolling case which contains the gown and all its many accessories to be weighed and has found out that it will cost $400 to ship everything to me.

I am so afraid that I will get the package late. Worse, I am concerned that I'll have it in my room ready to use and will have no one to help me get dressed. Remember that this is a gown for a noblewoman. It laces up the back and has many other pieces that have to tied on or pinned into place. She would have had servants to dress her. I cannot dress myself. I have registered with the Fringe website but have been unable to reply to any message board postings of people looking to work the Fringe. I have met people on the street and spoken to them but none have volunteered to help. Without assistance, all the many efforts and expense that are being made, will be for nothing.

I spoke to my sister-in-law Sarah, who just celebrated her birthday on the 18th, - Happy Birthday Sarah! She is a pupeteer and performer and knows the challenges of stage work. I so appreciated her empathy and encouragement. She called me a hero for being afraid and moving forward anyway. I am too humbled by my experiences of late to believe that I am any kind of hero/ine. But she impressed upon me to not sell myself short. I am so grateful for her support and all of my family. I love you all.

I just checked the comments section of my previous blog and have found a very uplifting response from my dad encouraging my to spend the needed money and effort towards my endeavors. His words are brief but powerful.

I am scared, but I will persist.